Fighters

With new year, I have one announcement, I am moving this blog to a new address, so I am discontinuing this blog from now on, further blog posts will be at the address, www.geekybuddha.org I wanted to make a central place for all my online feeds, updates, so I took this decision. This blog has been a great success for me. I started it more than 2 years back, since than it has been a place for me to share my thoughts. I am grateful to all my readers who read it, posted comments and encouraged me to write more. I will continue to write on my new blog, hope that I will get similar response there, good luck to all and a very happy new year.

While I am writing here, I am not feeling much good, my problem is that I can't be same for more than 2-3 days, I become all totally a different person! It become even tougher for me to recognize myself! Internally it become even more tough! Though I have become little better in last few months, but still I need to become little more better! You don't know, how tough it become to handle someone totally strange to you! And even tougher it become to complete the task someone different you started! Now a days I have getting very different experiences of my life, they can't be categorized in good or bad, they are sweet experiences indeed! I am thankful to someone for making me feel special in some way, and boosting my belief in unconditional bonds! There are few relationships, you can't name them, they are just what they are! Expression is tough! The toughness is the sweetness! I hate internet sometimes for it is not being able to express the emotions :) Though it make exp...

Writing here after ages, Its gonna be interesting now, We have a college fest called Sakshama, a national level techfest, initiated by our senior AKM when he was in his final year and I was in second year! Sakshama was started with a bang! Was a great start for our college as we didn't have anything as good and as large as it was planned, before. Being in second year you can imagine the amount of excitement I had about the fest! The bad thing is that not many people were as excited as a few of us were! Recalling all that now I feel that it was like starting a small company with something you are passionate about and you feel like doing anything for it. We were a small group of people doing everything, website, posters, events, inviting people, registrations everything was being done by almost 10 of us, four from final year and six from second year! The good thing was the driving force behind all this was pure! We wanted to do something big! During the last days of fest people start...

what should i write, life is good! Just completed my summer of code, for those who don't know, I was selected for Google Summer of Code 2009, for Sahana. Result of final evaluation are yet to to come, I am quite excited about it. Would post more soon. This post is to break the ice. I need to blog more! See you soon.

तेरा चेहरा पता नहीं क्यूँ ? तेरा चेहरा पता नहीं , सच में क्यूँ ? हर पल रहता है मेरे ख्यालों में , पता नहीं सच में क्यूँ ? जब में कुछ नहीं करता हूँ , तो समझो सोचता रहता हूँ , तेरे बारे में , पता नहीं क्यूँ ? और जब मैं सोचता हूँ की क्या सोचता हूँ तेरे बारे में तो पता नहीं चलता क्या सोचता हूँ तेरे बारे में । सच में अगर कोई पूछ ले कैसी दिखती हो ? पता नहीं मुझे । क्यूँ इतनी अच्छी लगती हो , ऐसा क्या है तुममें , मैं कभी नहीं बता पाऊँगा । ये भी नहीं पता की तुम वही हो जो मैं सोचता हूँ , या नहीं ? पर जानना भी नहीं चाहता । बस ये पता है की क्यूँ नहीं जानना चाहता ? शायद मुझे डर लगता है , किस बात का , ये नहीं पता ।

Another excerpts from *the letter* I am yet to give :( "I close my eyes, I see a large pool filled with colored water and I am hanging above it with head towards the pool, I fell into it, get wet and colored, the rope pull me back out of the pool and then put me again into it, like somebody is aggressively putting me in pool, I open my eyes, I am sitting in room writing this, I close my eyes this time the pool is filled with boiling what and again I fell into it, the to and fro motion, I open my eyes, I am sitting here, again I close my eyes this time the pool is filled with mud, and again I fell into it, then it throws me out of it, I fell in sand and I am still smiling. Looks like its just my imagination. But it may be symbolizing something. The last scene, my smiling face made me fearless"

It is going to be a very quick post, I am in a hurry but still want to write this post, certainly lots of things are going on in my life but I am not writing anything about them these days anywhere, I will soon start writing about them in my blogs, for now I am here to share something that is nothing, seriously! Don't know how to write nothing, so writing something that visualize nothing! :D Lets write something! I am here to say thanks to few people! who influenced my life in a very positive manner, I don't get influenced very easily.Thank you very much! I am not writing their names here, but I am saying thanks from the deep of my heart! Thanks again

I am writing a poem from a letter I wrote to someone, few days before, though I couldn't give this letter yet, I want to give it, someday! गिरता गिरता गिर ही गया उठने की कोशिश की तो फिर गिर गया, दरवाजे तक तो पहुँच गया पर भीतर जाने को न हुआ। उठता उठता फिर गिर गया सोचता रहा औरों ने मुझे गिराया है, पता चला मैं तो खुद ही गिर गया। शीशे मैं देखा तो दंग रह गया, न मैं था न मेरा प्रतिबिम्ब था, अपनी नज़रों से भी गिर गया था मैं शीशे मैं देखा न मैं था न मेरा प्रतिबिम्ब था। रोज रोज वही कहानी दोहराता गया सुबह को प्रण लेता, रात होते होते भूल जाता गया। अपनी नाकामी का इलजाम औरों पे लगाता गया, पता चला अपना गुनाहगार तो खुद हूँ मैं। इतना गिरा हूँ की गड्डे में भी आबाद हूँ शर्म और हया से अनजान हूँ मैं, मौत भी मुझे गले न लगायेगी इसीलिए शायद जिंदा हूँ मैं

I want to say sorry to someone, but seems like I may never say sorry , face to face, so by this post I am saying sorry! Please pardon me! This is certainly the lack of courage at my end! I know, this is the high time, now or never! but alas! things are going really fast! really fast! and I can visualize what is going to be the future! I could have write a very different post but I am writing this one at this time, this symbolize anything? Don't know what it symbolizes but surely whatever it is, I can't help it. Sorry once again~

क्या करुँ की तुमको खुश कर दूँ तुम ने बन के रक्त मुझको जीवन दिया इतना सरल, इतना सौम्य कोई और नही बस तुम हो! जीवन के हर पहलू को तुमने छुआ, कर दिया एक सपना साकार और बदल दिया इस दुनिया को हर किसी को दिया आगे बढने का मौका जितना कोई सोच न सके उससे बढ़ कर के दिखाया हर खोज को कर दिया आसान, कड़ियों से जुड़े इस मायाजाल को कर दिया सुलभ सब के लिए। गूगल तुम हो धन्य तुमको शत शत नमन करती मेरे मन की मधुशाला।

I am almost sleepy couldn't even type properly but I want to write a post right now, so I am here, I am feeling quite unsecure right now. today i realize thaat for a person like me, who is not used to be personally attached with anybody and who does't care for any body, getting this much attenion can be killing, sometimes I see myself as a spoiled person, sometimes I find myself as split personality and sometimes I find myself as having multiple personality disorder. and really all these are true. yesterday I came from college, entered my room and looked at mirror, for one moment I couldn't recognize myself, yes really. I am very very inconsistence i will continue this post later, right now I am half slept

Just 3-4 more months :) listening to these words, it made me curious. What does that mean? I met one of my uncle, yesterday, he is a self made astrologer. He just said these words before we left. nothing more. And I know, its worthless thinking about what that could mean. but first thought that came to my mind was, he may wanted to say that everything gonna be alright in 3-4 months, ha ha! so as if everything is not right, right now? That's not true. Infact I am enjoying the life at fullest, so many things happening altogether. Thats life, without happenings whats life? nothing! so everything is alright right now not 3-4 months laters, this is my prediction and its true. Do I believe in predictions, astrology? I think to my inner most being, it gives me a little excitement, I don't know why, but I can't deny from that. There can be some truth in these predictions, may be 4-5% but it can give you rays of hope and that can work magically. So I think there is nothing wrong in...

It is like an internal crisis, results are out and starting this post like this tells that all is not well ;) Instead of cursing anything or anybody I am going to put something here for everybody who is in the similar situation, to console everyone like me. Lets start with Madhushala, as madhu is the best thing considered for the situation like this, लाल सुरा क धार लपट सी, कह न इसे देना ज्वाला, फेनिल मदिरा है मत इसको कह देना उर का छाला, दर्द नशा है इस मदिरा का, विगत स्मृतिया साकी है, पीड़ा में आनंद जिसे हो आए मेरी मधुशाला! Again there are few more very beautiful lines from Madhushala, for everybody who has a good past related to *marks* एक समय संतुष्ट बहुत था पा मैं थोडी सी हाला भोला सा था मेरा साकी छोटा सा मेरा प्याला विस्तृत जग में है गई खो मेरी नन्ही मधुशाला Now I am providing a list of must listen songs for the situation like this, तुझसे नाराज़ नहीं ज़िन्दगी हैरान हूँ मैं 2. मेरा जीवन कोरा कागज़ कोरा ही रह गया 3. दुनिया बनाने वाले क्या तेरे मन में समाई 4. ए दिल मुझे ऐसी जगह ल...

The chance of me getting out on 99 is very very low, why? Am I so confident, I don't get nervous in situations like this or what? ha ha, because I'll never ever reach near 99 :) It takes lots of effort to make 99 runs, and that last one run, that is a marking point, why so? Why we get disappointed if we couldn't make the last one run, instead of celebrating 99 runs, we get deserted! Why so? I think those 99 runs are more important, if I can make them। I'll be happy for 99 runs! but that too is really really tough! another way to see this situation is that the journey is also important not just the destination, if we can make our journey beautiful, we may never regret for not reaching the destination, I am not saying that there is no importance of reaching the destination, but what if we couldn't reach destination? This is when we think about journey, if the journey is worth something we can have a sense of achievement. There is a say in hindi, my cousin used to te...

After around one year, I am writing a blog post sitting in college computer lab! It reminds me of days when I used to sit iin college computer labs for hours. Those were the days when I was in first year and I didn't have internet access at hostel room. The spirit was amazingly high during those days. I remember going back to college when others where sleeping in room, during hot winds summer time. I used to surf random things, anything that comes my way and keep digging! Now the scene has changed a little, instead of college computer lab I have internet at my room, and nothing else has change :) just getting a little bit nostalgic. WOW college computer labs are of some use, still. And we have Red hat installed wow wow! though the internet speed is just above being pity! everything else is fine! WOW!! Bye for now, its lecture time! ;) Bunking is on the cards though!

Its been so long since i really wrote something out of my heart, tonight i am little un busy ;) so taking this opportunity to write here. From last couple of weeks I have been trying something new with myself. I am playing a game with myself. The game is to tame myself the way I am. I am learning how to get best work out of myself. I think that if I can learn how to get myself work, I can do wonders. It's not that there is a certain formula for success, even there is one formula for each person. All we need is to pick the formula that is for us, trying someone else' s formula will never lead to any destination. I have learned that I need to work a little differently and this understanding is doing wonders for me till now. Another secret I would like to share with you all is the "law of attraction", this law is which is governing our life. Everything we get in life is the outcome of what we desired, everything is result of attraction, if we want something to happen, th...

I am listening to a very very beautiful ghazal by Ghulam ali, and I want to dedicate this post to this ghazal। The ghazal starts with a 'sher' which goes like, अपनी आवाज़ की लर्जिश पे तो काबू पा लो, प्यार के बोल तो होठों से निकल आते है, अपने तेवर तो सम्भालों की कोई ये न कहे दिल बदलते है तो चेहरे भी बदल जाते है। I don't remember how many times i have listened this ghazal but still each time i listen to this, it gives me a new meaning. This is the beauty of ghazals, you can get a new meaning every time you listen. ये दिल ये पागल दिल मेरा क्यूँ बुझ गया, आवारगी, इस दस्त में इक शहर था वो क्या हुआ, आवारगी! The english translation is impossible, attempting that will be like killing the ghazal। What I could understand from this line is "what had happened to me", इक अजनबी झोंके ने जब पूछा जब मेरे ग़म का शबब सेहरा की भीगी रेत पे मैंने लिखा, आवारगी। Then ghulam ali sahab takes us to some other place by just his voice, amazing. ये दर्द की तन्हाईयाँ, ये दस्त का वीरान सफर, हम ल...

Things are not as simple as they look from outside, and we make them even more complicated. I always believe in not letting anyone feel low because of me, and I really mean that. Even if the person is in a completely wrong thing I try not to feel him embarrass, this is me. And another thing that is I can't believe that anybody can do anything wrong intentionally, I believe that its the situation that makes people do wrong things, I don't know to what extend this is true, but today one of my belief was shattered, so I am now reconsidering these beliefs, I am still wondering how somebody can do like this! yuk yuk yuk! shame on you man! shame! I want to say him something, I recall a very popular dialogue of hindi films, "Ek baar maang kar to dekhta main, dosti ke liye jaan bhi de deta, par tumne aisa kaam kar ke apne aap ko meri nazaron se gira diya" So I now believe that not everybody is like atleast me, there are few persons who are even poorer than me. Since I don...

I apologize for not being able to write here, there are so many things that are keeping me busy these days. Since I don't get time to write here I am sharing lyrics few songs that are very close to my heart, and are the best for the situation.  तसवीर बनाता हूँ , तसवीर नहीं बनती एक ख्वाब सा देखा है, ताबीर नहीं बनती, तसवीर नहीं बनती बेदर्द मुहब्बत का, इतना सा है अफसाना नज़रों से मिली नज़रें , मैं हो गया दीवाना। अब दिल के बहलाने की, तदबीर नहीं बनती, तसवीर नहीं बनती तसवीर बनाता हूँ ... दम भर के लिए मेरी, दुनिया में चले आओ तरसी हुई आंखों को, फिर शक्ल दिखा जाओ मुझसे तो मेरी बिगड़ी , तकदीर नहीं बनती, तसवीर नहीं बनती तसवीर बनाता हूँ! Another song which is also very close to my heart,  दिल से तुझको बेदिली है मुझको है दिल का गुरूर तू यह माने के या न माने लोग मानेंगे ज़रूर ये मेरा दीवानापन है या मोहब्बत का सुरूर तू न पहचाने तो है यह तेरी नज़रों का कुसूर ये मेरा दीवानापन ... दिल को तेरी ही तमन्ना दिल को है तुझसे ही प्यार चाहे तू आये न आये हम करेंगे इन्तज़ार ऐसे वीराने में एक दिन घुट के मर जा...

Here I go! Techkriti 09 finished, transforming thoughts, this is what techkriti is all about, and I can feel that, it has transformed my thoughts. So here I am putting forward a task for myself, I am going to make several changes in my way of living, and this is the first day of this transformation. Forget , just forget! Don't remember anything, forget everything, Forget everything that gives you pain. Forget the incident that makes your heart cry, these memories will haunt you, so better to forget them then to remember them. Memories are memories, they are neither good, nor bad, they are just memories, you just forget them, don't remember anything just forget everything!