Fighters

I am writing a poem from a letter I wrote to someone, few days before, though I couldn't give this letter yet, I want to give it, someday! गिरता गिरता गिर ही गया उठने की कोशिश की तो फिर गिर गया, दरवाजे तक तो पहुँच गया पर भीतर जाने को न हुआ। उठता उठता फिर गिर गया सोचता रहा औरों ने मुझे गिराया है, पता चला मैं तो खुद ही गिर गया। शीशे मैं देखा तो दंग रह गया, न मैं था न मेरा प्रतिबिम्ब था, अपनी नज़रों से भी गिर गया था मैं शीशे मैं देखा न मैं था न मेरा प्रतिबिम्ब था। रोज रोज वही कहानी दोहराता गया सुबह को प्रण लेता, रात होते होते भूल जाता गया। अपनी नाकामी का इलजाम औरों पे लगाता गया, पता चला अपना गुनाहगार तो खुद हूँ मैं। इतना गिरा हूँ की गड्डे में भी आबाद हूँ शर्म और हया से अनजान हूँ मैं, मौत भी मुझे गले न लगायेगी इसीलिए शायद जिंदा हूँ मैं

सुना था बहुत, ये इश्क नहीं आशां बस इतना समझ लिझे, इक आग का दरिया है और डूब के जाना है। हंसा था इस पे बहुत मैं, कैसी आग और कैसा दरिया? आह! जब गुजरी ख़ुद पे, तो हँसी नही आया रोना। सच है, ये इश्क नही आशां। शायरों ने भले ही लिखा कुछ बढाकर, पर लिख दिया वो, जो मुमकिन नहीं करना बयां लफ्जों में।

मेरी टीचर मेनू कहन्दी है आंदा नही मेनू कुछ भी पापा मेनू कहंदे है तू मेरा नाम दुबायेगा ,मेरी अम्मा मेनू कहेंदी है एक सोनी कुडी मेनू मिलेगी मेरे यार कहेंदे है तू मुंडा कमाल है। मेरे पहले टेस्ट की तेयारी की मैंने ऐसे सारे सुब्जेक्ट्स के नाम मेनू अब है याद। अचानक आया मुझे ये ख्याल छोडू ये सब बातें, सुनो ये कहानी नई रात को जब में हॉस्टल की छत पर बैठा था, देख रहा था मैं कॉलेज को पता नही क्यूँ आँख मैं मेरे आँसू आ गए , मैंने देखा ख़ुद को रोते मुझे लगा कुछ अलग सा I love my college very much दिन भर कॉलेज मैं फिरता हूँ शाम होती है तो सोचता हूँ शाम क्यूँ हुई अब मैं सोचता हूँ उन दिनों के बारें में, सब कुछ इतना जल्दी जल्दी हो रहा है की क्या बताऊँ जैसे कल की हो ये बात अब तो रोंदा हूँ मैं पर पता नही क्यूँ , न समझेगी वो, न समझूंगा मैं कभी, इधर भी वो उधर भी वो every where it is she! मेरे जानने से या न जानने से क्या होगा, जानता हूँ मैं पर वो नही जानती, इतने दिंनों से पता नही क्या कहूं पर जब भी देखता हूँ तुझे लगता है जैसे धड़कन रुक सी गई, जानता हूँ मैं बर्बाद हूँ इंसान, पर पता नही क्यूँ सोचता हूँ मैं ऐस...

Four years have passed like four days. I still remember the first day of college. I was very scared of ragging and seniors. Though I was convinced that I will handle all that, but even then I had a little fear with lots of joy. And I met a senior just few minutes after I entered the college. The devil was looking at me, I tried to avoid him, gathered courage and tried to pass him, but had to stop. I looked at him, he looked at me. I was not aware of some eye culture here. The next half an hour I was with among four others of my class, one girl and three of us and the senior, he seemed to be a music lover, he wanted us to sing song for him. I knew if I sing something will happen. I sang so loudly that teachers from classes by side came there and scolded that senior. That was the first day of college and today is the last day of college. I had nothing with me on that day and today I am an engineer, with lots of dreams, lots of ideas and of course an engineering degree and a joining lett...

Even though we have man-woman ratio in Rajasthan very unbalanced, we too love girl child like any other place in India. Here in Rajasthan, we have a different structure of families. We have huge families, living all together, living all near each other, almost every relative lives in same village. Child in such a family gets love from so many people, exactly what a child want. And many times it happens that child get attached to some other person even more than her parents. This is a very unique thing, and this is the beauty of Rajasthan. And there is one very different thing which happens, since the families are really huge, when child grows up, she sees her cousins calling her parents as 'kaka' , 'kaki' words used for uncle aunt, the child too calls her mummy papa as 'kaki' and 'kaka'. And this happens everywhere here. There is one such a little girl 'Sangeeta' almost 5 year old, who loves her chacha more than her parents. And Chacha also loves...

Before I start writing I want to describe situation around me, I am peeling off first layer, so the situation can be like this, exams are over, and we are relaxed. Its something little deeper now let's peel off another layer, then its me, I am writing about situation around me, and I recalled a phrase, someone said, “group creativity” at that time I controlled myself but not this time, I can't, so I want to laugh, ha ha ha I can't imagine of something like group creativity, OK leave this for now! Today I am here to talk on very unusual topic for me, a very common issue for many, and it may look like I am wasting time by writing on this topic, the relationships. Many time I think about it! Looking all around people talk a lot about it. I thought about an intimate relationship, but truly I have some virtual relationships and when I think about them I find that they are very much real than these relationships people are talking about all the time. I have made a definition of ...

ignorance makes us curious, thats true; and when experienced that I now believe it. I don't know why I do things for which i regret later, may be because it gives me momently pleasure, and makes me feel good! i am examining myself very closely these days and found that one thing i need to change in myself is the way i handle myself, really i handle my self as worlds most useless guy. this is me! the need of the hour is to believe in myself! and thats what i am trying to learning! one thing is troubling me all the time that why do we try to disguise from ourself while we know everything about ourself then why pretending to be unaware of the cause of ourself being in the situation! and why do we try to do another thing to cover previous thing and it thus lead us to situation where we find ourself hiding over millions of covers. One more thing i was thinking about is even after 21 years i don't know myself thats simply disgusting! gosh! i don't know myself , i don't know w...

We have been talking lot about girls these days, it looks like i am going to write down about them here also. it is very unusual for me to write about girls, but its i think the right time to write about that, as lots of things happening outside that is making me more and more curious about girls :) its one of my friend and me who were talking about true love today, and his opinion was that " true love is one in which one only think about the other" his point was even if one has to ruin his life for that! I may have agreed to the point , I was arguing that it is true only when you think like that even if you were "Shah rukh Khan" or "Sachin Tendulkar" and only when i could have believed that, but when you don't have anything to loose but nothing, these words are useless! My point is that one who has something to sacrifice should talk about it, others just making us!! so we were talking about love, girl, sacrifice and all that heavy stuff! things that...