I think it is the best time to write down something over here, i am in a situation of mind that I can't say is the best or worst, its just the situation, I wonder if I will ever be able to find out the cause why I can't be into the situation deeply. I just came giving my 5th sem Computer Architecture exam, and before the exam I was thinking I may not be able to clear this paper, after the paper I am happy that I am in a situation better than that. So many things are happening inside me, which are affecting me very badly. Of late I have been indulged in thinking and thinking, its like buffer overflow. I keep thinking about my future, the days to come and present day, the way I am living and the way things are happening. Before going far I would like to write down something about today, it is 3:46 pm here in India and I wake up today @ 5:45 am, so I can say its been long since I wake up and in all these hours there has been tremendous changes, I would like to categorize these into following categories: (as in these exams I have bee in habit of writing points ;) )
1. The pre 7:30 era, from 5:45 to 7:30 I was in a very extreme situation, after waking up from few very horrible dreams the first thought that came to my mind was I am gonna fail, I couldn't recall anything I rott last night. Once I decided to quit, to not to revise again, the other thought stuck, that I can do it, the other one was I have to do it, the last thought was really powerful, it made me take book and move over all the syallabus again, and to my wonders I never thought that I can do that, I went over all the pages in 1 hour that was amazing, it is the power of fear, I could still feel that fear, at that moment I was feeling like einstein of today, and working beyond my capacity. After going through all the course once I become a bit relaxed.
2. The second era was post 7:30 era upto 8:20, among extreme tension and fear I continue to have bath, have breakfast, If I can see myself in that situation I may be laughing, how stupid I am. This is I say height of being in fear of what may cause your life in dark, one wrong move and you are out of life, I might be thinking like this, hilarious. At temp around 6 degree centigrade and northern winds blowing at few km/h speed I found myself on the pillion of bike running at around 80 km/h, on a road barely having any traffic. Once while on bike I thought I am going to be mad, I wanted to slap myself for doing what I am doing with me. Reaching college was a pleasant experience, but reaching there meant you are one more step towards exam, thus again that ugly fear.
3. The third era, 8:20 to 9:00 am, this is my beauty that when I found myself in trouble I start doing things like speaking loudly, trying to look cool, when I saw other class mates in same trouble, I become a little relax, this it now beauty of being human, others pain make you relax, as 9:00 am was approaching I become clearer that I can't get out of here and have to concentrate on what seems to be impossible task. Everybody around was stuck to the books and I was little fearless, and someone was having 5-star chocolate, I don't understand why the hell people do this, she could have had that some where else, gosh! people can do anything to look cool, what can be cool than having 5-star just 15 mins before exams sitting like in your bed room, that is something to laugh upon, anyways I just wanted to say her if she had one more of that, she tempted me for 5-star, poor me. And than there are very uncool people who try hard to look uncool, that is also totoally un understandable, and than there are people who don't try to look cool but are born cool, like me ;), 9:00 am its and I am on my seat waiting for paper, the most un desirable wait, second one after one for the results.
3. Three hours, 9:00 am tp 12:00 noon I was in examination hall, exploring myself to every possible limit, recalling everything I know, I learnt after landing on this planet, fighting hard to make that diagram happen the way it was in the book, remembering that 6th point which never happen to come down, repeating those lines , "as we know that" which I myself never knew before this day, scolding myself hard for not rotting this important question which eventually find itself lucky for being on paper, trying hard to avoid myself from looking at the window, and finally counting the pages of the text book that remains un filled, that last minute before 12:00 noon seems to be the most valuable minute of my life, in that minute I knew almost everything but alas! just one minute and the bell rang!
4.Get the hell out of here! I am out, feeling the freedom, who give it a damn! and exam was over! End of an era! tremendous mental torture, one always wanted to avoid but never succedded!
It took a little while to be normal, living in that era was really, really amazing I explored various layers of my inner being and took my self to new height, I can't regret for getting out of that era because still there are lots of them in queue.
@Happys Endings!
1. The pre 7:30 era, from 5:45 to 7:30 I was in a very extreme situation, after waking up from few very horrible dreams the first thought that came to my mind was I am gonna fail, I couldn't recall anything I rott last night. Once I decided to quit, to not to revise again, the other thought stuck, that I can do it, the other one was I have to do it, the last thought was really powerful, it made me take book and move over all the syallabus again, and to my wonders I never thought that I can do that, I went over all the pages in 1 hour that was amazing, it is the power of fear, I could still feel that fear, at that moment I was feeling like einstein of today, and working beyond my capacity. After going through all the course once I become a bit relaxed.
2. The second era was post 7:30 era upto 8:20, among extreme tension and fear I continue to have bath, have breakfast, If I can see myself in that situation I may be laughing, how stupid I am. This is I say height of being in fear of what may cause your life in dark, one wrong move and you are out of life, I might be thinking like this, hilarious. At temp around 6 degree centigrade and northern winds blowing at few km/h speed I found myself on the pillion of bike running at around 80 km/h, on a road barely having any traffic. Once while on bike I thought I am going to be mad, I wanted to slap myself for doing what I am doing with me. Reaching college was a pleasant experience, but reaching there meant you are one more step towards exam, thus again that ugly fear.
3. The third era, 8:20 to 9:00 am, this is my beauty that when I found myself in trouble I start doing things like speaking loudly, trying to look cool, when I saw other class mates in same trouble, I become a little relax, this it now beauty of being human, others pain make you relax, as 9:00 am was approaching I become clearer that I can't get out of here and have to concentrate on what seems to be impossible task. Everybody around was stuck to the books and I was little fearless, and someone was having 5-star chocolate, I don't understand why the hell people do this, she could have had that some where else, gosh! people can do anything to look cool, what can be cool than having 5-star just 15 mins before exams sitting like in your bed room, that is something to laugh upon, anyways I just wanted to say her if she had one more of that, she tempted me for 5-star, poor me. And than there are very uncool people who try hard to look uncool, that is also totoally un understandable, and than there are people who don't try to look cool but are born cool, like me ;), 9:00 am its and I am on my seat waiting for paper, the most un desirable wait, second one after one for the results.
3. Three hours, 9:00 am tp 12:00 noon I was in examination hall, exploring myself to every possible limit, recalling everything I know, I learnt after landing on this planet, fighting hard to make that diagram happen the way it was in the book, remembering that 6th point which never happen to come down, repeating those lines , "as we know that" which I myself never knew before this day, scolding myself hard for not rotting this important question which eventually find itself lucky for being on paper, trying hard to avoid myself from looking at the window, and finally counting the pages of the text book that remains un filled, that last minute before 12:00 noon seems to be the most valuable minute of my life, in that minute I knew almost everything but alas! just one minute and the bell rang!
4.Get the hell out of here! I am out, feeling the freedom, who give it a damn! and exam was over! End of an era! tremendous mental torture, one always wanted to avoid but never succedded!
It took a little while to be normal, living in that era was really, really amazing I explored various layers of my inner being and took my self to new height, I can't regret for getting out of that era because still there are lots of them in queue.
@Happys Endings!
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